This is how over graduate school I am: on Monday night I spent a considerable amount of time trying to create a stick figure with a big butt. I did it, too, so the night was not a total loss. The key, for those of you now pulling out a pencil and some scrap paper, is to draw your figure facing either the 5- or 7-o’clock direction, and to emphasize the curvature of the upper back leg.
There is more to this (the graduate school bit, not the stick figure bit)–an entire post, in fact, that I pencilled in my notebook after the stick figure victory, plus another hand-written one after that, not to mention the three remaining drafts I have saved in wordpress. The trouble is that I don’t have time for completion. I spent a guilt-filled day at work not working on work-related work, opting instead to pour myself into an assignment that is due in one of my classes on Friday. Seven straight hours I analyzed the demographic statistics of my school. Seven, and I didn’t even finish. So after I put my kid to bed at 10:30, I will continue to analyze demographics, and I will be careful not to mention in the part about school climate that the reason we have behavior problems at my school is a direct result of Satan being a blood relative of 75.4% of our student body.
Meanwhile, I know you are all jealous. “What? Statistical analysis? Lucky bitch!” So here are some statistics for you to pour over:
- 13: the number of months my daughter mysteriously turned last week when I wasn’t looking
- none: the amount of elastic remaining in the underwear I am currently wearing
- 64: the number of times I have reached down the back of my jeans to pull up my underwear
- 6: the number of days it has been since I vacuumed
- -1: the number of hours I will have to vacuum when I get home tomorrow in preparation for my friend Linda’s visit, because she is scheduled to arrive before I even leave work
- 11: the number of weeks that have passed since I last had a haircut
- 2 billion: the number of times in the past 5 days I have considered shaving my head
- 7: the number of times my kid has tried to get my attention in the past 10 minutes that I’ve been sitting at the computer
- 0: the amount of time I’m going to continue thwarting her attempts to play with me