I never talk about my breasts. Never. Really, there is nothing to discuss. I’ve worn the same bra size since eighth grade, and no, I was NOT an early bloomer. I wasn’t a bloomer at all. Occasionally you might hear me explaining that my mother, who has a decent rack, divided her boob genes between … More Hexed in the WHAT?
And that’s all we have time for tonight, folks, but come back tomorrow, or maybe the next day, for an all new episode of, “Vexed and the City,” or is it, “Hexed in the Titty?” “Messed up and Shitty?” I know, I know, you just can’t wait.
You’re familiar with trail mix, right? A bunch of random food items thrown into the same bag, uniting as a single product? Little of this, little of that. That’s what this post is: trail mix. Note: I started this post during a slow stretch on Friday afternoon. The slow stretch quickly turned into an avalanche … More I promised intelligence but you’ll have to settle for this
A few months ago two new buildings started going up at the end of my street. There were no signs, no “opening soon” messages heralding new businesses, and it became a little game trying to figure out what we had to look forward to. My mom’s regular guess was “dry cleaner.” My neighbor Robin was expecting … More Somewhere in my life and childhood, I must have done something good
If I had to guess what he’s thinking, I’d say it’s something along the lines of, “Look, we need to talk. Why the hell is it so cold in here? I can’t feel my ears, and if I had balls they’d be frozen solid. Are you trying to ruin my life by making me sleep … More Isn’t he the CUTEST?
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. On Sunday around 10 a.m. I opened The DaVinci Code and was not seen or heard from again for almost eight hours. If you’ve read it–and you liked it–you know of which I speak. I couldn’t stop. It was as if an unseen force was turning the … More I was abducted by a book
I watched “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” tonight for the gazillionth time and only just realized that the Grinch bothers me not because he steals Christmas from the Whos, but because he is mean to Max, his dog.
The National Weather Service has issued a winter weather advisory for my area. Up to a quarter of an inch of wintry precipitation could fall tonight. That’s right! Enough snow/ice to make a footprint is coming this way! Local meteorologists and newscasters have warned people to take cover, and the grocery store lines are backed … More Urgent notice!
Friday, December 9 Today during my 4th period class–a class that usually makes me wish I had chosen a less stressful career, like firearms testing or bounty hunting–we actually had a productive discussion. They did their work and volunteered answers to questions. They refrained from cursing. I didn’t have murderous thoughts about any of them. … More Dear Diary:
1. About those instructions–“DO NOT EAT PIZZA WITHOUT COOKING.” Are you kidding me with this? Did someone actually try to eat the pizza while it was frozen? And then did they write to you complaining that the FROZEN pizza was inedible? Because I’m not sure you took the appropriate action. If someone actually ate a … More Some questions for the DiGiorno people
one small corner of the universe 