A few months ago two new buildings started going up at the end of my street. There were no signs, no “opening soon” messages heralding new businesses, and it became a little game trying to figure out what we had to look forward to. My mom’s regular guess was “dry cleaner.” My neighbor Robin was expecting shops or restaurants. I am a terrible guesser. I just kept saying, “I hope it’s a Starbucks. I’d really love for one of them to be a Starbucks.”
About two weeks ago one of the mysterious buildings became an Arby’s. I was convinced then that the other building would probably be a fast food joint as well. I stopped wishing for Starbucks and started hoping for decent fast food, like Subway. But yesterday while I was at work someone put signs on the remaining building, and on my way home I was greeted by this sight:
If you’re a consumer whore like I am you will recognize this blurry excuse for a photograph, compliments of the camera on my phone, as Starbucks Coffee. If you’re thinking, “Starbucks? Why not support the independent coffee shops in your area,” I’ll tell you that the ones I know about are either a) nowhere near here, or b) not equipped to make my drink of choice, the decaf soy latte. Even the coffee bar at Earth Fare does not serve decaf espresso, and the independent coffee shop I’ve been to a few times (Carolina Coffeehouse, which is located on State Street, which is a shopping district for people who either grow or crap money) does not serve soy milk. On the other hand, if you’re thinking, “Starbucks? Good for you, that’s great, you deserve it,” you will not be surprised to learn that after I turned onto my street, which is located just across from the new Starbucks, I stopped my car and gazed for a few moments into the rearview mirror, thanking God and the Universe and the Great Spirits everywhere for rewarding me with this amazing gift. I mean, I can walk to it! And if you were paying attention at all you know that my wish actually came true! I said aloud, “I hope it’s a Starbucks,” and it is! It is a Starbucks!
Huh. I should have said, “I hope it’s a ‘free sperm’ bank. A ‘free sperm’ bank where they do inseminations. For free.” Ah, hindsight.