I’m starting at the end and working my way back to this morning. If you’re squeamish, even just a little, don’t read #5.
1. Thank God “Commander in Chief” just rescued me from American Idol auditions. Damn. I’m embarrassed for some of those people. Did you see that girl who wanted to kick Paula Abdul’s ass? And I’m pretty sure Moaning Myrtle from the Harry Potter movies auditioned. And didn’t you love the little boy who got all up in the camera to defend his brother. He was all “Oh no you DIN’T tell my brother he can’t sing!” Now that thar was some Class A entertainment, or, as Gold Bikini Girl might say, “Yo, you bitches gon’ be sorry you didn’t watch, yo!”
2. Oh, did I mention? Those American Idol auditions, the ones that were on tonight? That’s where I live. Hoooo dawgies.
3. I locked the cat in my closet for an hour. I might have done it [subconsciously] on purpose, because he’s been quite naughty tonight. He’s been knocking things off of flat surfaces (like full glasses of water) and biting Suzanna for no reason. I’m fairly certain he has a smirk on his face. But I didn’t actually KNOW he was in the closet because he was inside his shopping bag. That’s right, I keep a paper shopping bag in the closet for him; as soon has he hears the door open he flies down the hall and jumps inside the bag. It was only when I saw his paw snaking around under the closed door that I realized my error. Now he’s being even more of a brat. Guess I have to pay for my inconsiderate behavior.
4. I’m pretty sure I’m getting a cold. I’m achy and my nose is stuffy. My throat hurts. I’ve been telling myself all day that I’m just tired because a) it was the first day of a new semester and I got a new batch of students, so I did a LOT of talking today, b) I didn’t sleep well last night, and c) the really horrible thing that happened at school today, which I’ll tell you about shortly, really sucked the life right out of me. I’ll let you be the judge.
5. This morning when I got to work–an entire hour early!–I went into the classroom next door to mine to visit with my neighbor. As soon as I saw her I knew something was terribly wrong. She asked me if I’d come in the front door. No, I said. I parked out back like I always do. She asked me if I’d heard about what was in front of the school. I was starting to get nervous. You probably are too, and you should be. If ever there was a question about whether or not I needed to find a new job, it flew right out the window this morning.
It seems that during the night, some sicko killed and mutilated a fawn on the front steps of our school building, and then smeared its blood all over the front doors. According to my colleague (I declined a visit to the front of the building so I thankfully didn’t actually see any of this, although the images in my head are awful and frightening) there were bloody handprints all over the concrete around the doors and on the doors themselves. I don’t know about you, but if I were the principal I might have seriously considered sending my kids home. Instead, my principal–you remember Principal–ordered that “the mess” be cleaned up immediately and declared that she was not reporting the incident because “it’s just someone doing something mean, it’s not a crime.” Whaaaa?
According to my neighbor, several people were in tears and one of our colleagues, a woman whose children attend the school, freaked out and told Principal that if she didn’t report it she would go to the school board, the papers, the local news. Good thing the officer arrived before “the mess” was literally and figuratively swept under the rug. He assured Principal he’d be filing an investigation because a) it’s not deer season so the act was a violation of hunting law, and even more seriously, b) violent acts lead to more violent acts.
That’s the last anyone heard, because nothing more was said about the incident today. No email, no “FYI,” nothing. It’s a sad day for education when the reputation and public opinion of your school outweigh the safety of the students who attend the school, and that’s essentially what happened today, and what’s been happening all year. Let’s not report that fight. Let’s not suspend those students; I’m sure an anger management class will do the trick. Let’s ignore that gang display, the kids are just messing around. Look at our school on paper and you’ll think it’s a great place–low dropout rate, decent test scores, very few suspensions and expulsions, almost no violence. But walk in the front door–well, I already told you about the front door.
Ask me if I’m looking for a new job.