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Thirteen Things about hd

1. I have a large, enormous, really big, huge, gigantic crush on Tom Selleck.
2. When I drive by housing developments that have huge brick or stone entrances and archways and gatehouses that are larger than every house I’ve ever lived in, I become apoplectic with rage. I shout, “Pretentious! Pretentious!” and ask aloud, whether there is anyone in the car with me or not, why it is necessary to spend that much money on such superfluous structures when there are hungry children and homeless people living on American soil.
3. I often ask questions aloud while driving alone, and frequently I respond to my own questions, and I hope that passersby will assume I am singing along to the radio or using a hidden hands-free device to talk on my cell phone.
4. I knew in the 10th grade that I wanted to be an English teacher when I grew up.
5. I got stood up on Wednesday night for the first time in my life. My friend Linda entered our monthly dinner date on the wrong day in her PalmPilot (I know this now), and when I called after waiting for 45 minutes she wasn’t home, so I ordered anyway and read my book and sipped tea, and it was all good.
6. I have never seen Gene Wilder’s “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,” but the recent Tim Burton interpretation with Johnny Depp is FANTASTIC. When it was over I wanted to push “play” and watch it all over again.
7. I am terrified beyond all reason of tornadoes.
8. My friend Joy recently heard the Dalai Lama speak in Washington, DC. (I realize this isn’t about me, but I think it’s a pretty damn impressive experience to be in the same room with the Dalai Lama, so I felt it deserved recognition.)
9. I can do the full Upward Bow yoga asana, but whenever I’m in the pose all I can think is, “What if my arms give out and I fall to the ground? Will my neck snap? Oh my god, what if it does? I have to get out of this pose right now.”
10. I have small scars on my left eyelid, on my left eyebrow, and on the left side of my nose from a dog bite I got when I was four. I was trying to make the dog sit down by standing in front of it, putting my hands around its neck, and pressing on it’s butt with my hands. It didn’t wanna, so it lunged and bit me in the face. It was old and mostly blind, and I think I screamed, but mostly what I remember about that day is sitting on my screaming mother’s lap watching the washcloth she was holding on my eye turn bright red. (There are A LOT of blood vessels in the face.)
11. I have a larger scar on my right cheek from a Big Wheel accident that occurred when I was around seven. I had been bathed, dressed, coiffed, braided, and polished for professional portraits and was told I could not, under any circumstances, step off of the front porch while my mom showered. My neighbors, all boys, were riding their Big Wheels down the gravel hill in front of our house, and they convinced me that I could take one spin down the hill before my mom finished showering. Spin indeed. I hit a big rock halfway down and my Big Wheel and I parted ways. I finished the ride face first in the gravel. I got spanked, grounded from my beloved Batman Big Wheel, AND I still had to have my picture taken.
12. In a pinch, say, on a really busy morning when I’m running late, if given the choice between wearing a shirt that needs to be ironed and a shirt that has been in the dirty clothes basket, I will wear the dirty shirt. Okay, okay, I would do this on a normal morning. But not if the shirt is REALLY dirty, and not if it is wrinkled, because that would just defeat the purpose of wearing a dirty shirt.
13. I do not frequently wear dirty clothes. Just so you know.

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