It’s settled–no good comes from this class

So a few minutes ago I had to get up and leave class in search of something with which to blow my nose, and I decided I’d sneak in a quick potty break while I was stealing toilet paper from the student bathroom. I dashed into the stall, hurriedly shut and latched the door, unbuttoned my jeans, and assumed the “Public Bathroom Toilet Seat Avoidance Squat.” I was in a hurry, as I mentioned before, so I executed all of the above quickly and without care, so the latch I thought I latched did not actually latch, and when I bent forward with vigor, because for me, speed equals force, the door was moving toward my head and my head was moving toward the door, and they collided with, well, force. Great force. A force that sent the rest of me backward onto the unprotected toilet, and that left me positively reeling. There may have been little cartoon stars floating haphazardly over my head. It happened very quickly, so my first reaction was surprise, and then almost instantly I became hysterical. I could not stop laughing, oh, the hysterical laughing, with the tears streaming down my face (only a few of them from the throbbing pain emanating from my forehead) and the laughter, which practically debilitated me in my already weakened state and made it impossible for me to escape the germ-infested nasty college co-ed toilet. And that–the picture I imagined of myself as I might look from above, with one hand rubbing my head and the other gripping the toilet paper dispenser in a mad effort to hoist my bare ass from the toilet–somehow made me laugh even harder. People, it was a good 10 minutes before I could pull myself together enough to stumble back into my class. I am not even sure I actually peed. I was that crazy woman laughing and crying alone in a public bathroom. It was not one of my better moments, and I was terribly grateful no one else was in the room, and yet, I could hardly wait to get back to my seat so I could publish it on the internet.

4 thoughts on “It’s settled–no good comes from this class

  1. LOL!!!!!!! I almost can’t stop laughing long enough to comment. Although, I find your unfortunate accident absolutely hilarious, I do hope that your head is ok. 😉

  2. oh my gosh! I laughed and laughed at this post. You painted such a vivid picture in my head with you busting you head and clutching the toilet seat – infested with germs. I only hoped you post a photo of the bruise upon your head.. perhaps later.. since you had to run and let you pubic in on the festivities… LOL..

  3. OK, thank you for publishing. This made me a little teary. (I also am appreciating that Shari managed to get “pubic” into her comment. I think it was already in on the festivities….) =)

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