Dear K.E. Court Cul-de-Sac Neighbors:
If you happened to look out your front windows last night around 10:45 in time to see a pregnant woman wearing nothing but a too-small tie-dyed t-shirt, excessively large underwear, and a pair of black leather Mary Janes hissing obscenities at her dog, please accept my deepest apologies. I had not intended to leave the house, only to let the dog out one last time before bed, but she bolted into the street to sniff God knows what, and then she disappeared from view. I love her, but quite frankly she is too stupid to get out of the way if a car is coming, so I felt the need to retrieve her quickly. It did not occur to me until I was already in the driveway that I was not wearing pants. You see, when I am at home in the evenings I no longer wear pants because they are extremely uncomfortable, and I have not bothered to purchase maternity pajamas (hence the too-small t-shirt). This look has become quite natural for me within the confines of my home, but I’m sure it’s not something you are used to seeing–if, indeed, you saw. And if you did, again, I apologize. I’ll try not to let it happen again.
Your neighbor in the yellow house