[H]oly [S]adistic [G]ynecologist, Batman!

It’s over. It hurt like hell. My doctor kept asking if I was okay, even as he continued inserting things that were larger than the space into which they were being inserted. It lasted about 10 minutes and resulted in three pictures of my CLEAR TUBES and SLIGHTLY TILTED UTERUS*.

Now that I’m no longer obsessing about the HSG, I’ve moved on to other things. Like my upcoming ovulation, which is–there’s no other way to say it–fucking with my head. It’s cycle day 10; yesterday, HCG day, cycle day 9, I discovered eggwhite cervical fluid. WTF? How can this be? I generally do not see EWCF until OVULATION DAY, and surely I couldn’t be ovulating on DAY NINE. My temperature didn’t rise this morning, but I’m thinking of going to bed right now, so that the morning temp time will arrive sooner and I can put my mind at ease. If you’re a fertility obsessor you surely understand the insane logic at work here. If I were simply tracking my fertility signs I would note the oddity and go on with my fabulously full and thrilling life, but as there is a vial of sperm at my doctor’s office as of 4:30 this afternoon awaiting a day 13 or 14 ovulation, I’ve retrogressed into a drooling bundle of nerves whose only discernible talents are Googling early ovulation, studying other women’s charts on Fertility Friend, and binge-eating Thin Mints.

You sane thinkers out there might be considering asking me via a helpful comment, “Have you enlisted the assistance of an OPK? Perhaps that might set the record straight.” Let me save you the time. Of course I have! Three times! And wouldn’t you know, last night’s looks just a little bit darker than today’s two. Have I missed the surge? Can you surge on DAY NINE? Holy. Freaking. Shit.

It’s a dark day here in Gotham City, girls, and I’m sending up the Bat-Signal. Please come to my aid via comments on your own experiences in this area.

*News to me, but apparently not distressing news. My doctor’s exact words: “Your uterus is a variant of normal and will in no way inhibit you from conceiving and carrying a child.” My interpretation: “Just like the rest of you, your uterus is totally freaking weird, but don’t worry, I’m sure your kid will turn out just fine.”

7 thoughts on “[H]oly [S]adistic [G]ynecologist, Batman!

  1. post pictures of opk’s stat.

    (& WOOOO HOOOO on the all clear! Sorry it hurt – mine was the same. I think they have one size fits all speculum in those hsg rooms & you know, not all va jay jays are the same size!)

  2. Yeah, mine hurt too. They never warn you about *moving* with a speculum in. WTF? I’m glad that everything turned out clear!

    And oh, how I do understand the temperature panic….

  3. Cripes – my doc took out the ol’ spec before they made me move. Cruel & unusual!

    I’m sure you’re not actually O-ing yet (did you see the EW before or after the HSG?)

    Oh, and the tilted ute? I tell my patients it’s like being left-handed – just a normal variant. No worries. 🙂

  4. Not that weird, actually. Every so often on FF someone posts “I just found out I have a tilted uterus” and thousands of us chime in, ME TOO! The only things I’ve noticed as a result are that 1) sometimes it’s hard to find my cervix – but the flip side is, generally if I can find it, it’s a good clue that I’m moving towards ovulating and 2) I can’t use Instead cups. Presumably if I needed to worry about birth control I might also have issues with diaphragms (sp? thank god I am queer and DON’T have to spell that often) or cervical caps. But other than that – it is what it is.

    Yes, you *could* theoretically ovulate at 9 days but you’d see more signs. Probably just stress. Ride it out, bay-bee.

  5. You’re probably totally fine. I’ve started getting eggwhite earlier and earlier as things have gone on and it hasn’t necessarily meant early ovulation. This cycle the EW went on for nearly a week – travelling seems to stress my fertility quite a bit and I can never ovulate until after I arrive at my destination, it seems. Anyway, start posting those OPKs and don’t panic. I know that’s totally impossible, so ignore me. But know we’re thinking of you.

  6. can’t give you any stories on how many times I thought I was ovulating on day nine, unless you want me to make one up 😉 but i want you to know that I am sending many warm, good vibes your way! Love you D!

  7. Are you allowed to try the month you have your HSG? My RE forbids it, because of the radiation and dye exposure. Just one person’s opinion, but one I trust. (Besides, I’m happy not to be taking progesterone this month.)

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