I don’t want to be a lazy girl

But I am. In my mind I have these magnificent visions of myself exercising at 5 a.m., biking through my city’s many parks on the weekends with my kid on one of those fancy enclosed trailers, reading on my screened porch by lamplight with a glass of wine after the baby is asleep on weekend nights. And writing. I write and I write–in my mind. Sounds like I am suffering from delusions of grandeur if you ask me.

In Real Life, my “new” bike has been ridden twice since I received it for Christmas in 2005, and I have stashed my ever-deflating exercise ball out on the screened porch where I have only visited recently to remove the oil lamps so I could hang them around my front door entryway to entice trick-or-treaters. This decorating frenzy took place minutes after I carved the pumpkin for the front step, which was about an hour before dark on Halloween night. In the mornings I press snooze on the alarm until I realize I have exactly 50 minutes before I have to leave the house. Evenings find me unprepared to make dinner–I should have thawed this, or I’m out of that–so I often eat cereal. Unless of course I am out of milk. I wait to do laundry until the remaining underwear in the drawer is too big, too small, or dangerously low on elastic. There are several nice dress shirts hanging in my closet that go unworn because they are too wrinkled, and I never take the time to iron them. I believe in living in the moment, but I think that’s probably something different. Me–I’m living in the last minute.

I will give myself this: I had planned to shoot out a few sentences here, something along the lines of “wah, wah, this is hard, I don’t have time,” but look, I’m on paragraph three now. No, this is not my best work, but that little creative voice inside me does manage to make herself heard from time to time, and lately she is saying, “God, woman, put on your watch. Get out your calendar. Get hold of yourself. Time’s a wastin’.”

How do you keep it all together without pissing it away?


5 thoughts on “I don’t want to be a lazy girl

  1. did you sign up for Nablopomo and I somehow missed it? This is more of you than we’ve seen in months. And I’m loving it.

    And you are my twin.

    Everything you just wrote… I could have written that. We bought new bikes back in July and I’ve ridden mine exactly thrice. I have visions of doing lovely work in a beautiful yard, and… well, it’s not happened. The dress shirts? check, and throw in some dress pants, too. I “ironed” my blue twill pants this morning by hanging them on the towel rack when I took a shower. I haven’t been able to wear these pants in months. And I sleep as late as I possibly can and am always AT LEAST 15 minutes late to work. Quite often I’m at least a half hour or later.

  2. You write my life.

    However, I think the more Mia eats what you eat the more you’ll end up cooking instead of having cereal. It certainly helped us.The only way we manage to cook dinner around here is to be incredibly anal and have a written set of “menus” (the word is used loosely, people, loosely!) for the week but even so there are many nights we just say ah, screw it and eat something frozen or take out.

    I iron maybe 3 things a year. I dress about as casually as I can get away with and make liberal use of polo shirts in the hot months and sweaters in the colder months.

    I have about 50 bulbs outside that have been waiting for weeks to be planted, and a bunch of flowers I did plant that are threatening to die from lack of watering (though I do try to keep them from dying entirely because it entertains me greatly to go out and yell at them periodically, “What are you? PANSIES?!?” But then I am weird.)

    And exercise? I have no idea what that is and my body really, really, really shows it. Highest weight in my life. 😦

    Not to mention the state of the dining room table : covered in papers and other detritus. It’s bad, bad, bad.

    So you are most certainly not alone, my friend. Not at all.

  3. The only way I am ever certain to follow through is if I know someone is depending on me. I can do it for someone else before I could ever do it for me.

    So if someone was counting on me to work out with them I would show up.

    With food- I know that GM is counting on me- so I HAVE to cook for her. But I have visions of cooking amazing and beautiful meals and instead she usually gets a grilled cheese every night & I get a turkey sandwich.

    Sometimes I wish I had a roommate that had the same ideals that would inspire me to do more.

  4. Yes, this could be my life too! Way more dreams that I can ever come through with. The ONLY reason I exercise is that I bike commute to work and somehow I manage to get my butt out there for that one thing …after hitting snooze about 4-5 times…

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