I haven’t confirmed it yet, but I am thoroughly convinced that public school officials drug teachers for the first several days of the semester. I’m sure it has something to do with securing our cooperation for the implementation of whatever new miracle program or improved procedure they’ve cooked up, but it m a k e s m e t i r e d a n d s l u g g i s h. I am still incapable of maintaining a clear succession of thoughts; the focus of my attention changes as rapidly and as often as Barbra Streisand swaps outfits in her farewell concert. It’s not pretty.
Now here’s what I’m wondering: if I am so exhausted that I can barely work up the energy to practice a few yoga postures, boil myself an egg, or look for the remote (thereby committing self torture by watching 15 minutes of “Sex and the City”), why are the students so full of energy? It’s really not fair. When I have regained control of my normal energetic teacher persona, they will all be whining, sleeping pains in the ass, but now, when I stagger in with my steaming cup of decaffeinated coffee (and no, my psyche is not fooled–its TASTE means nothing to the rusty cogs of my brain) and attempt to give them simple instructions (get out a number pencil–I mean a pencil number two–I mean a number two pencil!) they are one step ahead of me, eager to know what comes next.
And what does come next? Dear God, I hope its some sort of stimulant. I gave up caffeine. Crack, maybe? Hell, that’s probably what’s got my kids on the edges of their seats!